HE has told me I had seduced HIM and must followthrough and not be a tease. I call myself a sissy slut. I had not knownthose words until HE taught me what they meant.I also must admit I enjoy our Visits. I also say I seduced HIM by being asissy slut, and that its all my fault because I wanted to be a girl. Howbecause of that I am only worthy of being a toy. How I would punished ifanyone knew how bad a boy I am. And how that would hurt my mother. Icannot hurt my mother.As our Visit comes to an end, I put on my clothes again and repeat what Ihad said again and again until HE is pleased. HIS pleasure is my pleasure.That is how a toy should think.When HE first started having me do this, the medicine HE gave me helped mesee them as true, and I can say them with conviction.I wait for my mother to come for me, and when she does, I return to theempty state I am between Visits. Only during Visits do I feel anything atall.I not know that soon I will not be seeing HIM anymore.I also do not. From political science to philosophy, I kept myself so busy with reading and thinking that my old friends and old life seemed a bit of a distant memory—an old comfortable existence that brought a smile to my face, but didn’t make me pine for what I’d left. Of course I missed Mother’s cooking and glimpses of the lovely Delfina as she went for a walk or helped her mother to plant flowers in their front yard. But there was lots of entertainment in the sleepy little East Coast town where my seminary was located, and a chance just to observe the wonders and the beauty of life. I got to know the active members of our diocese, and formed close bonds with my brothers who had come from all over the world to study and prepare for a life serving God and helping Him to shepherd his flock. All we seminarians were men, after all, and we soon formed close relationships as young men in similar situations often do. We prayed together to help each other through moments of uncertainty and difficulty..
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